What is the biggest loss you bear once you go through a difficult situation?
This is a question I have been asking myself for a few months now. In order to get the answer, I looked not only at myself, but at a number of people around who have faced situations unimaginable to themselves. What I realized was the fact, that very few of us have the courage to end the pain. We like to torture ourselves, to re-visit the mistakes of the past and to blame ourselves constantly for everything which is wrong, but that, I believe, is human nature, blaming is. You may blame yourself or someone else, but it is in our nature to find out whose fault was it. With all this crap about situation, blaming and where do I stand after a bad situation, I went back to the question I started with. The answer was simple. The biggest loss, after any situation, is the loss of SELF. Every time you go through a trauma, you lose a part of yourself you are never getting back, and this change is gradual, you’ll never know its happening, you may behave like a rock for a while, but too many shocks and you will be gone. I may sound like a hopeless git here, but the truth is that, this is what I have seen, not just in myself but in people around me. I lost a part of myself I priced most and there is no going back. I cannot be the same person anymore, no matter how hard I try and the truth is that I do not feel like going back to being that person, even if I miss that person inside me. Some would say that the change is for the better and that this is probably a better version of my old-self but I know myself, and I know that this is not a better version, at least not by the parameters I set for myself.
Bottom-line: After an undesirable situation, if there is something or some one you need to cry for, that would be you. Realize that your old self is dead, hold a funeral, leave some flowers and move on, because that’s the only choice you have.
In the DC comics universe, a planet called “Htrae” (“Earth” spelled backwards) is populated with bizarre versions of superheroes. A Seinfeld episode made the idea of this Bizarro World popular, where the characters encountered their opposite selves.
Craft a scene in which you meet an opposite version of yourself — or a story in a bizarre, backwards world.
I was desperate, desperate to look for my way out, or at least for any oasis in that hot desert, I was looking for a shelter from that scorching heat. I did not know what brought me there but I did know that I wanted to get out of that place as soon as possible, I ran miles searching for a clue but I knew that it was no use, it all looked like seemingly endless circle- no side different from the other, but i continued my search for some shade, and a glass of water if I was lucky, when suddenly a cave came in my view, it was at a great distance from me, but I was ready to cover that distance for the sake of some peace, I started to run towards it and finally reached my temporary destination, I wanted to enter it without thinking but something just kept on telling me that it was not right, that I must not enter, that there seems to be a an invisible wall between the world outside and the world within, but my urge to quench my thirst was more over powering than my precautious mind. I took a deep breath and stepped in, the feeling was weird, i really felt that I had crossed some invisible barrier, I wanted to try to get out, but I did know that now I was inside, I will look for what I want and if I was in danger, no one could help me now.
In the continuous stream of my thoughts, I did not realize that the cave I had entered was extremely chilled, the desert outside seemed now like a fake one, and the environment of the cave relaxed me a bit, making me think that this place cannot be harmful, it came to my mind once that it could be a trap of any kind but I convinced myself again and moved further, deciding that now I would not stop to think unless absolutely in danger. A door blocked my path, emerging from nowhere, I did not think for a moment and swung it open, entered and closed it again, upon entering I realized that I was in my own room but all the things were a little out-of-place, in fact exactly opposite to the places they are in the real life, this intrigued me more and I reopened the door I had closed, this time, it opened into my common- finally something normal, but again, further exploration lead me to conclude that I was wrong and it was all opposite. I was leaving the house from the main door when I saw a girl closing the lift door and walking very coolly towards my house, she was wearing a loose shirt with jeans, and was carrying a very small hand bag with herself, I saw her face closely and realised that she looked exactly like me, now this really made me scream, a girl like me, in front of my own house, in an attire which is so not my own(I take abaya when I go somewhere), I called her out, by taking my own name, but it seemed that she was not listening to me, I decided to make the most of that chance and left out to see how things were running in the university, I was not worried about the house because even though my family members were not there, but at least there was nothing abnormal going on with them. I reached university, and searched for Nadia(the friend I usually spend my time with at university), but I had found another good fellow and was going to ask her about some of the weirdest happenings, I walked up to her and greeted her in my usual manner, she looked at me as though I was some alien, but returned my greeting all the same and moved forward, I asked her to stop and listen to me, but she did not, in fact she responded that she was too busy right now and that she wanted to go to the library, I couldn’t believe my eyes, the friend who never used the to say no was ignoring me today as though I was completely unknown, my other friends also passed by me but did not greet me the way they used to. I was trying to conclude the events of the day when suddenly the most rowdiest group of the department came to me, slapped me at the back and greeted in a way exclusive of their own group, I was yet again astonished to see that, they were actually the people no one ever liked in the department, because all they used to do was playing pranks on others and clearing their papers due to their rich fathers. I did not want to be seen with them, what would my friends think? But I was too late for that, one of the person from that rowdy group saw a friend of mine, laughed, looked at others and me in a significant way they used to see each other before troubling anyone, and made a beeline for my friend, he had just reached her and was saying something to her when I decided to stop him and got there, I had just started to ask him to stop bullying people, when my friend I had actually come to rescue shouted at me instead of him, “Who do you think you are Samia, bullying people all the time, I don’t have a very short memory as to forget that this is what you did last week.” And she stormed out of the corridor,but the guy standing next to me, who was actually acting like a friend for the last few minutes started laughing madly at me, “You really crossed the limits these time Sam, wearing the Abaya and all to mock them, I really appreciate the effort, but she really isn’t that of an idiot.” He laughed uncontrollably, and continued, ” By the way, is that why you came back, after I dropped you off?” He continued saying something but I was not listening this time, I had realized that something was wrong, Someone looking exactly like me had taken my place, had made my friends hate me and those bullies befriend me, I must leave, I must get back to that cave and then to the desert, I was better off in that with my thirst than to see myself in such a position, I started running towards the gate, but something was pulling me backwards, something was slowing down the speed of my feet, and I felt I was falling down, down down.. Splash..!! I was in a pool of water, again, I did not know how I came there, I swam out of it and I was standing next to that enchanted cave again, I turned around to get a sip of water from the pond I had come out of, but it had vanished, I just took a second glance at that cave and moved away from it, this time looking for an oasis, but this time I came across a door, and I decided to give it a shot as well, who knows, it might be something better. 😉