My life is quite different from the last time I posted in here. Today when I logged in, I had no intention to write anything, majorly because these days, my writing sessions involve a private text I probably won’t be showing anyone. I have always shared here whatever I have felt and I think that it’s time I deal with my feelings alone so I don’t bother sharing it online, however, my logging in and taking a brief look at my site made me realize that I have neglected for a year now and it hadn’t done me any good, so I thought that a little sharing won’t hurt me in the slightest. It might as well help me make my mind more clear, so here goes…
As we grow up, things around us change, gradually very slowly, each day passes and it doesn’t feel like things are changing, yet somehow things seems nothing like before when we take a look at the picture from a distance. In the course of these changes, we have to take certain decisions, based on certain parameters which lead our life to the point where we are. I have always taken decisions based on what makes me happy, it was never difficult, because as a child, our parents taught us to take decisions based, first on morale followed by what pleases us, resulting in us becoming somewhat confident individuals, but there comes a time when you have to fight for your own self, your family cannot protect you any more, may be because you grow up. Currently I am in a situation where I fail to understand what is more important to me, rather I do not understand that what would make me more happy. Even if I do figure out the source of happiness, the route leading towards it also have some barriers, which are very very difficult to cross. If I choose the path having no barrier, I may get lost in my pursuit leading towards failure. In short, I can definitely not explain the tidal waves after waves of panic and changed decisions roaring inside me, making me double minded, for the first time in my life ever! But I have shared it in the hope that someone might relate and it is always better to find out that you are not the only one. I am not asking you to share you story, in fact I want my dilemma to be of some use to any one out there who’d feel as confused as I am.
Tell us about a time when you felt out of place.
Photographers, artists, poets: show us CONFUSION.
As with most of the people, I feel like a fish out of water at times whenever we are visited by any of our relatives, or if, by an unavoidable circumstance, I am made to visit the relatives.
I simply cannot explain the awkwardness, the way they all seem to look at you as though you are an alien, and that typical dialogue,” You’ve grown so much!!”, makes me want to respond, “Actually, I didn’t have had a lot of choice for that aunty!!” But I cannot. Moreover, you are forced to smile every few minute at the face of a glaring relative, only to make sure they don’t that you are off colour, bored, sleepy, or anything of the sort. In short, such visits can be excruciatingly confusing, as you have nothing to talk about, yet you are bound to show that you are having the time of your life..